Dramalicious!

Guess what I saw today!

It was freaking AWESOME!

I waited until today because I really don't like going to movies with 456764346 other people. I wanted to wait until the crowds died down some.

It was totally worth the wait. Loved the story, the performances, the chase scenes, everything. Heath Ledger especially rocked it. He was brilliant. It's a sad shame we'll never see anything like that from him again.
R.I.P. Heath.

There was one thing that bugged me though...that growly voice Christian Bale uses as Batman. WTF is up with that? It just strikes me as weird. But not to the point where it was distracting.

I was a bit concerned it wouldn't live up to all the hype. But it did. I'll definitely be dropping some coinage on the super-duper-deluxe edition DVD that we all know is coming, when it comes out.

Some sweet violent urge...

I love my mother to pieces. She is the most important person in my life and I don't know what I'd do without her.

BUT

Some days, she makes me was to scream and throw things.

Yesterday was one of those days.

Twice, we were having perfectly fine conversations. Then she decided she didn't want to talk about whatever we were talking about anymore without letting me finish was I was trying to say.

Any time I asked her to explain what she was telling me so I could understand it better, she said I was being "difficult" and "argumentative."

She yelled at me a couple of times with no provocation at all. She was just really moody yesterday.

In her defense, she's had a stressful week. The husband of a friend of hers passed away on Sunday. I know it's bringing back memories of when my step-dad died. It's hard for her.

I've been patient with her for the most part. But really, I'm only human. I can only take so much in a day.

She's better today though, which is good.


This afternoon, I am finally going to see The Dark Knight. I've been waiting for the crowds to die down some. I'm excited. =]

Yes, I am a dork

I ♥ Stephen Colbert, like ZOMG!



Oh, and I kinda like this guy too.



Can you tell I was bored? =P

Stuff

This is something I don't normally read, but I want to buy this month's issue of Esquire Magazine.

Why, you ask?

Because of the cover story on my beloved Stephen Colbert.

The funny thing is, being female, I feel weird about wanting to buy Esquire Magazine. I can't explain why. I've been known to peruse the occasional issue of GQ if there's an interview with someone I'm interested in reading about. We get it at the salon. So I figure...screw it. I'll buy that issue of Esquire tomorrow.


I bought myself a six-pack of that Tequiza beer. It's supposed to taste kind of like tequila. I doesn't really. But it's not bad.

Chele is seeing Linkin Park tonight...as I type this, as a matter of fact...with her boyfriend. I was invited. I could have gone had I bought a ticket. But I didn't. She's been texting me throughout the show. Now I really wish I'd gone. We saw them together last year. I also saw them in '04. They're awesome live. Hopefully they'll come back next year.

The religion post

Wicca is defined as: A modern Pagan religion with spiritual roots in the earliest expressions of reverence for nature. Some major identifying motifs are: reverence for both the Goddess and God; acceptance of reincarnation and magick; ritual observance of astronomical and agricultural phenomena; and the use of magickal circles for ritual purposes.
source

I am Wiccan.

But I have not always been.

I was raised in the Episcopal Church since I was born. My father and aunt sang in the choir and I was in the youth choir.

My mother has always believed that you don't have to go to church to be a good Christian. We went to church because that was what my father wanted.

My parents divorced when I was 7. We moved to a different town when I was 8. I still went to church when I visited my father up until we move out of state when I was 11. My step-father had the same feeling about church as my mother did, so we never went. But I still considered myself to be Christian.

When I was 16 we were living in Louisville, Kentucky. I'd been going through a rebellious phase since about the age of 12. My mom was(is) uber-conservative, so while, in retrospect, the things I did really weren't that bad, at the time she thought I was devil-spawn. She sent me to Oneida Baptist Institute, a boarding school in southeastern Kentucky.

Yes, this was a religious boarding school. We had to go to service every day, and twice on Sundays. I'm not one to hate on any religion, but I didn't appreciate being told that I HAD to believe what they told me to believe, or else I was going to Hell. I believe in free will. It seemed to me that free will didn't exist in the Baptist church.

By the time I got expelled from OBI (that's a whole other story), I was pretty much fed up with religion being forced down my throat. I basically considered myself Agnostic at that point.

My entire life, I'd always been fascinated with the Occult, particularly Witchcraft. I knew enough to know that it was about nature and the Earth and had nothing to do with Satan or anything like that. Satan was created by Judeo/Christians, after all, therefore has no place in Wicca.

When I was about 25, my best guy friend started dating a girl who had been practicing Wicca for about 5 years at that point. She was a Solitary Witch (meaning she wasn't in a Coven). She and I became friends and I started asking her about Wicca and how she came to it and all that. I wanted to soak up every bit of information she could give me.

A couple of days after our initial talk about it, she brought me a book. Wicca: A Guide For The Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham.

By the time I was finished with that book, I knew I had found what would make my soul complete. I had also decided to practice as a Solitary.

After about a year of study, I preformed a self-initiation ritual. I occasionally attend public rituals. There's a huge public ritual at a local park for Samhain every year. I try to attend annually. But beyond that, I am still a Solitary Witch.

Although I have been bashed for my religious choice by ignorant people who have no idea what it's really about in the first place, I sincerely believe that whatever faith a person follows, as long as it gives them peace and makes them a better person, then it is the right faith for them.

Blessed Be.

Are you fucking kidding me??

Click here for source


Emo and goth to be made illegal in Russia

The Russian government is in the process of drafting a law to make emo and goth music illegal.

Last month a parliamentary committee was convened to discuss a draft proposal of the Russian government's Government Strategy In The Sphere Of Spiritual And Ethical Education bill, the details of which were leaked to The Moscow Times. The newspaper subsequently reported that, among other things, the draft bill dubbed the musical movements a "dangerous teen trend" and called for emo and goth websites to be regulated and young people dressing like emos or goths to be banned from entering schools and government buildings.

The newspaper interviewed one of the bill's authors, Igor Ponkin from the Russian Interior Ministry's Public Oversight Council. Ponkin called emo a "social danger" and "a threat to national stability" and said the bill is a reaction to teen suicides such as the tragic death of British teenager Hannah Bond.

"This type of behaviour is a crucial part of emo ideology," said Ponkin. "Of course there are emo teens who just listen to their music. But our actions are not directed at them but rather at those who also hurt themselves, commit suicide and promote those acts."

The Moscow Times also interviewed psychologist Inna Cherkova who said:

"Suicide is not a symptom of emo culture. I work with other teens too, and every group has emotionally troubled kids."

However, the bill is expected to become law in Russia before the end of the year.

Things that make you go "what the fuck?"

So I have been instructed...

...to write a "real post."

Whatever that means.

Which I will do, as soon as I come up with something interesting to write about. I have no interesting childhood stories or anything like that. I pretty much write about stuff that's going on in my life right now. Which isn't much at the moment. My life is really pretty boring.

So yeah. I'll come up with something.

Since everybody else is doing it...

A to Z's of Me

A - Age:
37

B - Bed size:
Full

C - Chore you hate:
Watering the lawn

D - Dessert you love:
Tiramisu

E - Essential start your day item:
Coffee

F - Favorite actor(s)/actress(es):
Jared Leto, Johnny Depp, Jason Lee, Roasario Dawson, Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek

G - Gold or Silver:
Silver

H - Height:
5'4"

I - Instruments you play:
Not a damn thing =[

J - Job title:
Hair stylist

K - Kid(s):
None

L - Living arrangements:
Townhome with mom

M - Mom's name:
Kyla

N - Nicknames:
Witchypoo, Witchy, Poo Poo (only Jade is allowed to call me that), occasionally Cher

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth:
Several weeks after heart surgery when I was 3, a couple of days with pneumonia when I was 7.

P - Pets:
None

Q - Quote(s) you like:
"Be yourself; let you come through"

S - Siblings:
Half brother named John

T - Time you woke up today:
Around 7:20am

U - Unique habit:
I'm very methodical about my work. To an OCD extent.

V - Vegetable you hate:
Any that are overcooked. I prefer raw in most cases.

W - Worst habit:
I bite my nails

X - X-rays you've had:
Chest, foot, teeth

Y - Yummy food you have made:
I make a damn good chocolate mocha mousse.

Z - Zodiac Sign:
Aquarius

First picture from my new phone

That's the lake at the park I walk at every day.

LOLs for the day

One of the blogs I read regularly is Prevuze. It's a blog about the soap opera Days Of Or Lives, which I have been watching faithfully since around 1992.

Prevuze blogs spoilers about the following day's episode of Days along with some humorous commentary. I don't read about any particular episode until after I've watched it. I never read spoilers. I enjoy the show much more when I don't know what's going to happen. Frankly, I don't understand why anyone reads spoilers. But that's neither here nor there.

This morning I was reading the blog regarding yesterday's episode. I was reading people's comments and came across this:

Hahaha! I'm assuming he clicked on the link on my blog roll out of curiosity or something. Too funny.

And no Jared, you don't have to start at the beginning. But you're not gonna know what's going on right away ether. ;]


And now I leave you with Stephen Colbert's tribute to the late George Carlin.

You know what I do when I'm bored...

Warning: this one is loooong.


1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING?
Twice

2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
Almost 5 years

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
Money for my birthday

4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
All the time. I'm a bit clumsy.

5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
Saturday

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Car (payments, insurance, gas)

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
Garlic chicken Hot Pockets

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
My favorite song ever is Master Of Puppets by Metallica.

10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Virginia Beach, VA

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
Charlestown HS in Charlestown, IN

12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
Net 10

13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
Spencers

14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD:
I've been where I'm working now almost 7 years.

15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
Nope. I used to own a bunch of them.

16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?:
I'm not 10...

17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:
My handfasting with my now-ex. May 1st (Beltane), 2000

18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
Chele

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND:
Today

20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
Sonic

21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:
"Till death do us part."

23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
Applebees

24. CAN YOU COOK?
Yup

25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
2002 Chevy Cavalier

26. BEST KISSER:
Hmm...that's a tough one. I think I'll have to go with TJ.

27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
A few weeks ago

28. MOST DISLIKED FOODS:
Overcooked veggies. Mushy veggies = ew.

29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
I'm loyal to a fault.

30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
Well that loyalty has bitten my in the ass on more than one occasion.

32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?:
13 hours on inventory day

33. FAVORITE MOVIE?
Clerks

34. CAN YOU SING?
I've been told so

35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
Mindless Self Indulgence

36. LAST KISS?
Josh

37. LAST MOVIE RENTED:
Trade

38.ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
My phone

39. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT:
Anywhere I've never been

43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
Desktop. I want a laptop.

44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?:
Stephen Colbert, George Carlin (RIP), Jeff Dunham

45. DO YOU SMOKE?
Nope. I quit almost 3 years ago.

46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
Without

47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?:
No one =[

48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
If they did, I'd still be with Kai.

49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
Hmm...maybe 7-8 times.

50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
French toast

51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
It's the only addiction I have left.

52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Scrambled with cheese, salt and pepper.

53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:
Somewhat. I don't live my life by it or anything though.

54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
A customer at work.

55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
No one

56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED?:
It was from Kate

58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
2

59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
Red pj bottoms, Rob Zombie t-shirt.

60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC:
Roll the windows down
This cool night air is curious
Let the whole world look in
Who cares who sees anything
- Passenger: The Deftones

61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?:
Grape

62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
Badly. I enjoy it though.

63. CAN YOU SWIM?
Yup

64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?:
Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby

65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
Umm...sure?

66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
Heath Ledger died on my 37th birthday.

68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?:
Kind of

69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON
Autumn

70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
Most of the things I laugh at are stupid. lol

71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING?
6am

72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?:
Boots

73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?:
October '06

75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?:
Samantha

76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?:
They're cool when they're Johnny Depp.

77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND??
Working

78. BIRTHDATE
January 22, 1971

79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
Content

85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
Didn't we cover this already?

87. ARE YOU SMILING?:
I am now. lol

89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW
Yeah

90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
Somewhere not so damn HOT

92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:
Noooo. Been done with that for years.

93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
Mhm

94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
Ian

95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
Black

96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
........

97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:
No. A vacation would be nice.

98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
Nope

99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?
Nope

100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
Yes

101. ARE YOU IN LOVE?:
Nah

102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
Oh yes

103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
Sure do.

104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
5 earrings and a bar in my eyebrow.

105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
I have no idea...

What was going to be yesterday's blog...

But I was too busy playing with my new phone. =P

Chele threw a birthday party for her boyfriend Henry on Friday night. It was at this karaoke bar. We all had a really good time. We were trying to get Henry to sing, but he wouldn't do it. Out of the 10 or so of us, only me, Chele and Chele's friend Jen sang. I sang Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac. I forgot how low in my range that song is. I should have picked something else. lol

A bunch of Henry's co-workers were there too, of course. Some I knew by name, others I knew by appearance. This one kid was sitting next to me. I say "kid" because I'm not entirely sure he was even 21. He might have been. But there was no one checking IDs at the door.

So we're kind of chit chatting, and he asks me, "didn't you used to date Josh?" This kid works with Henry, so obviously he also worked with Josh. So I say yeah and he says how he always liked Josh and they got along really good and they were friends and all that.

He's there for maybe all of 30 minutes and then he has to leave.

About 5 minutes after he left, Chele got a text from him. He told her he thinks I'm cute.

*sigh*

First off, isn't that like, breaking Man Law or something? You don't hit on a girl who recently dated one of your friends. Not cool.

Second, I like younger men, but that's seriously pushing it.

And lastly, I don't find this guy remotely attractive.

I mean, I'm flattered and all. But just...no.

Damnit!

Apparently youtube took down the video I posted yesterday.

In the part of the video I mentioned, Stephen Colbert was talking about how Cracker Jacks used to have cool prizes and now they don't anymore. It's not as funny having to explain it... =[

I got a new phone. I'm programming all my numbers into it. Yay!

Hey Jared

5:08 - 5:45 totally reminds me of something you blogged about a while back. LOL

From last night's Colbert Report.



I ♥ Stephen Colbert.

Meh...

I was going to blog about my workday, but I have a backache.

Backaches make me an irritable bitch.

I need a massage.

The Colbert Report is coming on in a few. Stephen Colbert always makes me feel better. ♥

I LOL'd

And again...

I decided the last background was a little too bright. So I changed it again. I think this one is better. I might still play around with all the font colors and such though...

Re-vamped my blog

Yay!

Behold the purpleness!

And then I did another one of these:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Open iTunes or put your music library on shuffle. For each question, write the name of the song that plays.


What do I think of my mother?
No Shelter - Rage Against The Machine

What do I think of my father?
Exit - U2
How fitting...

What describes my siblings?
Dead Girl Superstar - Rob Zombie

Did I have a happy childhood?
Rooster - Alice In Chains


High School

What was high school like?
Thoughtless - Evanescence

Was I a good student?
Valentine's Day - Linkin Park

Did I party a lot?
Pardon Me - Incubus


Love

What describes my first love?
Session - Linkin Park

Do I have a boyfriend/Girlfriend?
Nobody's Real - Powerman 5000

Do I like someone?
Let It Grow - Eric Clapton


Life

What was today like?
Down In A Hole - Alice In Chains

What are most days like?
Hell & Consequences - Stone Sour

Whats my life like?
I'm With Stupid - Static-X
LOL

What is in store for this weekend?
Here It Comes Again - Korn

What song describes my parents?
Layla - Derek & the Dominos

How is my life going?
Mind Fields - The Prodigy

Do I act my age?
Into The Great Wide Open - Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers

What song will they play at my funeral?
China Girl - David Bowie

Wedding?
Walking In Your Footsteps - The Police

How does the world see me?
(-)Ions - Tool

Will I have a happy life?
Eugene's Lament - Beastie Boys

What do my friends really think of me?
Fall Into Sleep - Mudvayne

Do people secretly lust after me?
Stupify - Disturbed

How can I make myself happy?
Breed - Otep

Whats my family think of me?
All In The Name Of... - Motley Crue

What should I do with my life?
Mind Games - John Lennon

What is my signature dancing song?
Bummer - Monster Magnet

What do I think my current theme song is?
New Model No. 15 - Marilyn Manson

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
User Friendly - Marilyn Manson

What is my life theme song?
A Key To Nothing - Mudvayne

What best describes my life?
Bobo On The Corner - Beastie Boys

What best describes my friends?
Home Sweet Home - Motley Crue

What best describes the person I like?
Buddha For Mary - 30 Seconds To Mars
Ha!

Have you had sex?
Venus As A Boy - Bjork

How will you die?
It's Me Again - Korn

What describes my worst enemy?
Cuts You Up - Static-X

Do I enjoy life?
Silent Scream - T.S.O.L.

Am I a good person?
Coma Black - Marilyn Manson

Do I make others happy?
Saw Red - Sublime w/ Gwen Stefani

I hate when days start like this

I normally wake up Monday mornings at 6am. That's so I can have my shower and leisurely enjoy my usual 3 cups of coffee before having to get ready to be at work at 9.

This morning my alarm didn't go off. The reason for that is, I forgot to turn it on. I am a dumbass.

I woke up at 6:38.

It could have been worse. Normally if left to my own devices, I sleep till about 7:30.

I bolted out of bed and started my coffee. Then I took the fastest shower ever. I was able to have only 2 cups of coffee before I had to start getting ready. After I left the house, I stopped at 7-11 and bought a Red Bull to make up for the 3rd cup of coffee I didn't get.

When I got to the shopping center I work at, I stopped at Starbucks for a venti skinny vanilla latte.

I had a hard caffeine buzz on by 9:30. Too much at once. Luckily I was busy so the crash wasn't debilitating.


I did this very sweet little old lady's hair today. She said I gave her the best perm she'd had in years. Totally made my day. =]

I'd like to thank the Academy...

...and by "the Academy," I mean Shelby, for giving me my very first blog award.



So now I get to pass this award on to 3 of my fellow bloggers. Since I don't think I can give it back to Shelby, nor do I think I should give it to anyone she also gave it to, My chosen 3 are...

*drumroll*

Shannon: Because your blogs are just as entertaining, if much less frequent, as your brother's. I know I've told you this before, but you really should blog more.

Scargosun: Because of your general awesomeness, caring, humor, Friday Crackberry pictures and emails to me with random (and not so random) questions. You're great and if we lived near each other I could definitely see us hanging out.

Kathy: While I'm not a parent, your blog (almost) makes me want to be one. But I don't think I'd ever be as good at it as you.


Pass it on!

Blast from the past

Guess what I heard on the radio driving home from work today?

I cranked that shit up and was singing in my car at the top of my lungs like the big dork that I am.

80s hair metal FTW!

Stupid people

The salon I work at closes at 9pm. As in, close-out is done, lights are out, gate is shut and I am leaving at 9pm. Simple enough, right?

This woman comes in tonight at 8:50 wanting her hair cut. The conversation went something like this.

Me: May I help you? *thinking she's just wanting to buy products*

Woman: Could I get my hair cut?

Me: Ma'am, we close at 9. It's too late to get a haircut.

Woman: I just need a little trim.

Me: Sorry ma'am.

Woman: It'll only take 5 minutes.

Me: It takes longer than 5 minutes to do a proper haircut.

Woman: No it doesn't.

Me: Yes it does.

Woman: No.

Me: Yes.

Woman: *walking out* No.


Seriously?

First of all, where the hell was she all day that she couldn't come get her hair cut until 8:50 at night? Second of all, don't fucking tell me how quickly I can do my job. Do I go to where she works and tell her how to do her job? No, I do not. Because that's fucking rude.

Sometimes I really hate working with the public.

Blegh

I have nothing to write about tonight really. Other than the fact that I am a bit bummed that my friend decided to stop blogging. But I understand his reasons.

Took these in my yard today.

La la la

Couldn't think of a title. So there you go.

There's not really a whole lot to blog about. Well, there is, but I'm not going to. SOME things need not be made public.

So anyway...

Yesterday I was off work. I went to the shop and had one of the girls perm and cut my hair. I get perms about every 8-10 months. My hair is very straight and fine and I hate it. It won't do anything. But I don't get it horrendously curly though.

Chele came by when I was getting it done. She took a picture of me with her Blackberry, perm rods and all.

NO I AM NOT POSTING IT.

The perm came out really good. She did it better than the last girl did. No fried ends. No breakage at the hairline. No chemical burns on my neck. I am happy.

She also cut about 2 inches off my hair. I needed it. It just feels really short. I'll take a picture tomorrow after I can wash it and everything.

Phew!

Possible T.M.I. ahead...


So yesterday I realized my period was about a week late.

I say "about" because I'm not super regular and on the rare occasion I'll skip one altogether. For whatever reason, whenever this happens it's usually when I haven't been with anyone in a while, so there's no cause for concern.

But if you've been keeping up, you know that is not the case this time.

So since I came to the realization that I was late, I was pretty much freaking out. Partly because I really don't want children at my age. Also partly because I definitely don't want a child with Josh, 1) because he's moved away, and 2) he's not mature enough to handle it. Not even close.

So I thought to myself: would he have had the sense to say something to me if there had been a condom issue? No, probably not. He's honestly not the brightest crayon in the box. He also doesn't have a lot of experience.

I was stressing out over it all night. I hardly slept. I couldn't concentrate on work today. All I could think about was what I was going to do, how I was going to tell Josh, if I was going to tell Josh, etc.

On my way home from work, I stopped at a drug store and got a Clear Blue Easy digital home pregnancy test. It's supposed to be one of the most accurate.

After 3 minutes, the results were in.

NOT PREGNANT

Thank you Goddess!!

This is why I love my friends

At some point on Friday, Chele saw Josh. She called him, and I quote, "an immature douchebag" for the way he handled things and proceeded to basically tell him off.

Yesterday he came by my work and apologized for being said douchebag. He said he really hadn't had a lot of experience with relationships or whatever (which I'm prone to believe for various reasons) and he hadn't been sure how to handle things. He admitted he could have handled it better.

About the Myspace comment thing. He said that if he deleted it, he didn't mean to (which I've done, honestly) or that Myspace was just being stupid (which is 100% possible). He said he wanted to stay friends and keep in touch.

So I chose to just let everything go.

He's leaving early this morning. We're parting on good terms. I'm happy about that.

In response...

...to comments on my last blog.

@ Julie and Shelby: Thank you girls. *hugs*

@ Sheila: I've only ever left him one comment. He's still on my friends list, so I'm still on his. I've decided to be the bigger person and not delete him. And I haven't confronted him about it. In fact, I haven't talked to him at all. He did say he wanted to stay friends and hang out. He apparently didn't mean it. I fucking HATE when guys do that! But he's leaving for Wisconsin Monday morning, none of this really matters.

I talked on the phone with Chele last night and told her everything that went down. Chele and her boyfriend are friends with Josh (which is how I met him). She said she was going to kick his ass. So the alley jump line forms behind Chele! lol

WARNING: Vulgar ranting ahead

Ok, so I wasn't going to make a big deal out of this. But something has happened since, and now I'm pissed.

I'll start at the beginning.

Monday night Josh and I are hanging out at his place. We're chilling in his room (he has roommates) watching a movie. He's never been a very touchy-feely guy, but he was being more stand-offish than usual. Normally when we're alone in his room, he'll at least cuddle up a bit. But he wasn't even touching me.

After the movie was over, he gets up and puts the dvd away. He gets back on the bed, looks at me and goes, "you wanna fuck?"

Now, if a guy says that to me in the middle of heavy foreplay, it's a big turn on. But this was just kind of out of the blue. But I just shrugged it off and nodded. Then he gestures for me to take my clothes off. I make a half-joking remark about his lack of ceremony as I'm undressing. I think he kissed me for all of two minutes before he got up to get a condom. Normally, there's way more foreplay, so this definitely struck me as weird. Then he couldn't preform. This has happened before, so no big deal is made out of it. Usually, we'll wait about 10-15 minutes and try again, always successfully.

But this time, he completely pulled away from me. He moved as far away from me as he could and still be on the bed. After about 10 minutes he said something about wanting to be alone. Something is obviously wrong, but I don't say anything. I get up and silently get dressed.

As he drove me home he said he wanted to "uncomplicate" things (meaning we shouldn't have sex anymore), but that he still wanted to be friends and hang out. He thought I was feeling things that I wasn't and he didn't want me to be hurt when he left. I told him I was fine with the way things were, but if he wanted to cool things off, that was fine. Everything was all good when he dropped me off.

Or so I thought.

Last night, I go to his Myspace. I was going to message him and tell him everything was cool and that I'd like to hang out, just as friends, before he leaves next week. Then I happened to notice the comment I left on his page a couple of weeks ago is gone. Deleted.

What's that about? Is he trying to hide things? That doesn't even make sense. There wasn't even anything in the comment insinuating there was anything going on between us. If I was even really his friend, there's no fucking reason he should have deleted my innocent little comment.

It makes me feel like I meant nothing more to him than a pussy to fuck and a mouth to suck his tiny little cock.

Yes, I said it.

Tiny. Little. Cock.


Part of me really wants to tell him off and let him know how he made me feel. A bigger part of me thinks I should just keep my mouth shut and let it go. He's leaving anyway.

Visible ink

Conversation with Jared from yesterday:

Gr8Cookie71: random observation
Joker on Mars: oh god, what
Gr8Cookie71: did you realize the tattoo on your wrist is briefly clearly visible in Lonely Hearts?
Joker on Mars: haha. no.
Gr8Cookie71: i was watching it last night and happened to notice it
Joker on Mars: when during the sitting at the typwriter scene
Gr8Cookie71: nope, surprisingly
Joker on Mars: ive been trying to stay away from tattoos, for that reason.
Gr8Cookie71: its when you're meeting all the women in the beginning, and the large woman grabs you and kisses you
Gr8Cookie71: your hand comes around her back and you can see it
Joker on Mars: lol.
Joker on Mars: never knew that
Joker on Mars: and! no one has ever pointed it out before
Gr8Cookie71: i was like....did i just see what i thought i saw?
Gr8Cookie71: *rewind...slow-motion...*
Gr8Cookie71: yup, there it is!


Screencap I took this morning, complete with arrow:



BTW, anyone who hasn't seen this movie, go rent it. It's very good. It's a crime drama. But there's one particular scene that never fails to make me laugh hysterically. I'm not sure it's supposed to be funny. It's just the way Jared plays it; the expressions on his face. It's awesome.

I was going to post the scene I'm talking about, but youtube apparently took it down. Damnit. =[