Your questions answered

I figured I had enough questions to answer for now. If anyone wants to ask more, I can always do another one of these.


From Alaina
What was you most embarrassing moment? I would have to say it was the 5-minute giggle-fit I had on stage in the middle of the play I had the lead in my Senior year in high school.


From Shelby
What makes you cry? Pretty much anything: memories, certain movies, songs...anything that evokes a strong emotional response from me. I am a wuss. I also cry when I'm really angry.

Why did you decide to be a stylist? Doing hair was something I was interested in at a pretty young age. I would always go with my mom to the salon when she got her hair done. The whole process fascinated me.

Describe yourself in one word. Passionate.

Why did you start blogging? Well I started my account in order to be able comment on someone else's blog. Then I decided it would be a good outlet for my rants.

Who reads your blog the most? You guys would have to answer that for me. If I had to venture a guess, I would say either Scargosun, Shelby or Jared.

Who is your best friend? Michele (Chele) Buchard.

What is your biggest regret? Not going to Europe when I had the chance.


From Amanda
What do you consider your biggest failure? Two failed marriages.

Your biggest success? My career.

What "group" did you belong to in high school? I was a choir/drama geek.

Do you still keep in contact with your high school friends? No. I live in a different state now.

Do you agree with same sex marriage? Why? I support same sex marriage 100%. Everyone should have the same rights regardless of their sexual orientation.

When do you find you blog the most? In the evenings after work.

When can't you stand to be alone? When I'm scared or worried.

When can't you stand to be around people? When I've been around stupid people all day at work. That happens a lot.

What's your absolute favorite dessert? Ooh nice one! Umm...either German chocolate cake or tiramisu. I can't narrow it down further than that.

What's the longest your hair ever was? It was down to my waist when I was 5. As an adult, the longest it's been is the length it is now. It's down to my brastrap.

Do you like it when people tell you to do their hair any way you want too? Not really. I'm always afraid I'll give them something they'll hate. So when they say that, I'll ask some specific questions to get some idea of what they don't want.

Do you play an instrument? Which one? I was in the school orchestra when I was in 4th grade. I played violin. We moved the following summer and my next school didn't have an orchestra, so I fell out of practice. I wish I'd kept it up.

How did you meet Jared Leto? I'll tell the long version since I'm bored.

So I was on this online game site one night this past November (I think) playing Slingo. There's a chat thingy in the game so you can chat with other players in the room your playing in. So I'm getting involved in the chat. And there's this dude in there playing and chatting as well. Some of the other players are calling him Jared.

At this point, I had no idea who he was. None.

Looking back, other players calling him Jared, combined with the "mars" reference in his username should have tipped me off. DUH!

Anyway, we're all talking and the conversation became one of a sexual nature. I said something (I don't remember what) that apparently got his attention. (lol) Before he left the game he said he wanted to add me to his friends list. I said sure. So a bit later, after he left, I went to my profile to accept his add request and decided to check out his profile.

There was a picture.

Jared. Fucking. Leto.

I'll take this opportunity to say that I've been a fan of him as an actor since the mid-90s. I've also been a fan of his band since late 2006. I've also always found him extremely attractive. I mean, come on...how could you not? The dude's freakin' hot! (I can see his head swelling from here. lol)

I went back to the room we'd been playing in (I don't think I've ever told Jared this) and asked the players we'd been chatting with if he really was who his profile claimed he was. I was met with a resounding "YES."

After that, I freaked out a little. I'll admit it.

In subsequent gaming sessions, we chatted some more, eventually exchanging contact info. We've talked on Yahoo and AIM pretty regularly ever since.

We haven't met in person yet. I'm sure we will at some point.


Last but not least, from Jared:
When was the last time you propositioned someone online? Whenever I last propositioned you. I'm not even kidding.

Do you honestly like my brother better than me? Ugh...we've talked about this. For anyone else reading this, I've talked to Shannon online a total of TWO times, and exchanged 3 or 4 emails with him (which would probably be more if he checked his email more often). I like Shannon, but I don't know him well enough to be able to say I like him better.

Shaved, trimmed, or all natural? On myself? Shaved, with a closely trimmed triangle. On a guy, either shaved or trimmed. Just do something.

I know if you spit or swallow, so lets see....is anal a thought, or a no-go? I can't believe you asked me this. Actually...yes I can. I just can't believe I'm answering it. In public. Anyway...after some thought, I've decided that I'd do it if I knew the guy had plenty of experience with it and knew what he was doing.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? I don't like this question. I can never think of a good answer. And I still can't.

When are you getting combined assault? When are you buying it for me?

Should i post this type of post on my blog, or do like my mind tells me and just say 'NOOOO'? YESSSSSSSSSSS!

Questions?

So I stole this idea from Kathy. I am also too tired to think of anything original to write tonight.

I want you all to ask me questions. As many as you like, about anything you want to know about me. I'll answer them in an up-coming blog.

If no one asks me anything, I will be sad. =[

Scream for me

As a fan of rock and metal music, I appreciate a well-placed scream in a song. I don't care much for music that is nothing but screamed vocals (there are exceptions). But I do love a good scream. The kind that sends shivers down my spine.

This short playlist consists of songs containing some of my favorite screams.

The screamers are (respectively):
Jared Leto
Chester Bennington
Jonathan Davis
Chad Grey
Otep Shamaya
Wayne Static

Where's Metallica, you might ask? Hetfield is more of a growler than a screamer.


Yes, I actually do think about this shit.

Suckage...

Conversation between me and Josh last night when we were at dinner.

Me: So...when are you leaving?
Josh: Probably next week if my transfer's gone through.
Me: Next week?
Josh: Yeah...
Me: *looking down at my food* I didn't realize it was gonna be quite that soon.
Josh: Didn't I tell you it was the first week of July?
Me: I don't think you did...
Josh: I thought I did.
Me: Nope.

*5 minutes later*

Me: *still staring at food, barely eating*
Josh: You got awfully quiet.
Me: I know. Sorry.
Josh: What? Are you upset that I'm leaving or something?
Me: Well yeah.
Josh: Well it's not like you didn't know.
Me: *thinking: thank you, Captain fucking Obvious!* I know. I just didn't realize it was gonna be this soon.


This sucks. =[
Yes, I knew he was leaving. Yes, I knew not to get all emotionally involved. And I didn't. It's not like I'm in love with him or anything. But I do really like him. He's a good guy. We have fun. The sex is great. I'm gonna miss him...

Ugh...I hate myself

I completely blew off TJ. He called me on Monday while I was at work. I was in the middle of doing a haircut so I didn't answer my cell. He left me a voicemail saying he wanted to get together Tuesday night because he was leaving on Wednesday (today).

I never called him back. On purpose.

I feel horrible about it. I'm not even sure why I did it.

Well...that's not completely true.

The last time he was here, in January, I came thisfuckingclose to cheating on Kai with him. Actually, by Kai's definition of cheating, I did. Meaning, I made out with him. I felt bad about it afterwards. I asked a few friends what they thought I should do. (Jared, I seem to recall talking to you about it?) Anyway, the general consensus was that I do nothing because it really wasn't that big of a deal. So I didn't. Kai never knew about it. He still doesn't. But I still feel guilty.

Which brings me to now. I know Josh and I aren't exactly in what you could call a serious relationship. But I still wouldn't feel right doing anything with TJ while I'm dating Josh. And it's not as simple as just NOT doing anything with TJ. There's a long history there. Not to mention chemistry and attraction. We have this effect on each other. It's hard to say no to him. (Haven't we all had one of those??) And of course if something did happen, I'd feel like a total slut because I'm sleeping with Josh.

So, instead I completely ignored him. And I feel like a complete bitch for it. We've been friends for a long time. I'm pretty sure I've upset him because he hasn't called or texted or anything.

I think I'll drop him an email tomorrow and explain myself. That's all I can think of to do...

Boredom relief

Can you whistle? Yup

Scariest thrill ride you've been on? The Griffon at Busch Gardens was pretty intense. There's two 90 degree drops. I loved it though.

Where is your favorite place on earth? A rock show at the NorVa

Whats the last song you danced to? Hmm...I'm not sure.

Ever had a stalker? Not that I know of

Do you own a bike, rollerblades, or skates? No, no and no.

Whats your schools mascot? When I was in school...Pirates

Play any sports? Nope

Ever been to a concert? Oh yeah

Who did you last hang out with? I went to lunch with my mom today. Other than her, I was with Josh last night

How much is your car payment? $217 per month

Favorite thing to do in the summer? Concerts and Busch Gardens

What about in the winter? Ehh....

Something you hate to do? Water the lawn

Last thing you looked at? The keyboard

Last thing you spilled? Coffee this morning. I'm a klutz.

Who knows you best? Chele probably

Last time you were in a tanning bed? YEARS ago. Before my step-dad got skin cancer.

Who was the last person that messaged you? On myspace: some random dude. Text message: Josh

Last thing you put in your hair? Leave-in conditioner

Do you own any Barbie's? Nope

Ever had a pogo stick? I did, actually

What year did you discover MySpace? 2005

What credit cards do you have? None right now

How many kids do you have or want to have? Probably none at this point

What did you do today? Went for my walk, watered the lawn, showered, went to lunch with mom

What do you do when you are upset? Listen to music. Certain bands/songs can always cheer me up.

Are you keeping a secret from someone close? Yes

Have you ever led someone on? No. I'm a flirt, but that's not the same thing.

Do you like to swim? Yup

What's the last thing you drank? Raspberry lemonade

What would be the best gift ever? Money, and lots of it.

Do you prefer to talk on the phone or text? Text

Do you believe in global warming? Absolutely

What is your favorite farm animal? Goats! I don't know why.

What is your current mood? =]

Who do you admire? Lots of people

Which celebrity would you like to swap lives with? Ha! I don't think I would

Are you bringing sexy back? Damn right!

How many best friends do you have? 3 or 4

What was/is your favorite subject in school? Music and science

Do you sing in the shower? Yup

Who do you plan on voting for? I'm not sure

What are your thoughts on animal testing? Well...I have mixed feelings about it honestly. I hate to think of animals being harmed or killed for medical testing.
But what if that's the only way to find a cure for cancer or something?

Are you photogenic? Eh...sometimes

What are your favorite outdoor activities? Walking

Do you believe in aliens? Yup

Do you wish on shooting stars? Sometimes

Where were you born? Ft.Smith, AK

Favorite smell? Leather

What noise do you currently hear? Dance With Me by TSOL

R.I.P. George Carlin

You'll be missed.

Mmmm coffee

There was a bunch of stuff I was going to blog about last night. But when I got home from work, my mom got on a rant about various stuff (none involving me, thank god) and talked my ear off for about an hour. By the time she was done, I'd forgotten what all I was going to blog about. And it's too early right now for me to remember. I haven't had adequate amounts of coffee yet.

Things are going well with Josh still. I've decided to forgo talking about the previously mentioned issues for the time being. I'll probably change my mind about a million times.

TJ is in town. I'm not sure what I'm going to do there. I've yet to so much as mention him to Josh. Hmm...

Something's bugging me

I'm totally aware of the reality of my relationship with Josh. It is temporary. He is moving. I was totally aware of this from the start.

But my dilemma is this:

I am a very touchy-feely person. He is not. In fact, the only time he touches me or kisses me is when we are alone in his room and he wants sex. He will also kiss me when he drops me at home at the end of the evening in the privacy of his car. He does not touch me in public at all.

Wait...I take that back. He's held my hand in public once or twice and kissed me in public once.

It's not like I want him to instigate a full-on make-out session at the table at dinner or anything. He has told me he's a bit shy and self-conscious. But he just makes me feel like he doesn't want people to know we're together, or that he's just using me for sex.

I tend to be insecure, so I'm probably reading too much into this. We do go out places together. We date. He doesn't have to TRY to get me into bed anymore. If he was just using me for sex, why keep up the pretense of dating me?

So what I can't figure out is if I should talk to him about it and let him know it bothers me, or should I just suck it up and accept that this is just how he is and it has nothing to do with me.

Amanda Arlene....

I'd love to keep reading your blog, but I was too late to make your list before you went private. I'd appreciate it if you could add me. My email is on my profile. Thanks!


I've had a headache all day. I think it was because it was really smokey out this morning when I went for my walk. The smoke has drifted here from the wildfires at the Great Dismal Swamp.


So I talked to the ex-boyfriend today for a bit. It was actually pleasant. He told me he realized that I needed space, which was why he'd stopped IMing me for so long. Apparently, he knows me better than I gave him credit for. I also told him about Josh. He said he was happy for me, but that he was also a little jealous. As petty at it is, I'm glad he's a little jealous. But I really do think we can probably be friends now. We both just needed that separation before we could get to that point.

Does it really need a title?

No Josh tonight. He has an exam in the morning, so he's doing the responsible thing and staying home to study. He's in school for massage therapy. He finishes this week. We're going to Busch Gardens on Wednesday. =]


So, I got an email from the ex-boyfriend today. Caught me a bit off gaurd.

Hey you..
are you mad at me or something? haven't seen you online in a loooooong time.

And I'm sorry for not being online, I've just been working long ass hours. so when I get home I pretty much go right to bed.

well I hope I hear from you soon Cherlyn. and I hope everything is ok with you...

My response:

I'm online as much as always for the most part. I've been getting out of the house a bit more these days though, which is good.

I'm not mad at you Kai. I just needed some space. That's why I stopped IMing you whenever I saw you sign on MSN. I had to get over my feelings for you and move on. The first time I saw you sign on MSN with your girlfriend's name added to yours on your display name with the hearts and all that shit, I felt like I'd been slapped in the face. It really hurt. Then when I didn't IM you, you didn't IM me either, and that hurt too. I know it was never your intention to hurt me, but you did. For the sake of my own sanity, I had to break away from you. I hope you can understand that.

I do still care about you and I hope we can still be friends. Because I'm finally at a point where I CAN be friends with you.

I'm glad I was able to let him know what's been going on in my head. I'm even more glad he was the one to reach out first, because I sure as hell wasn't going to.

I thought about mentioning J's offer to kick his ass, but decided not to. =P

Father's Day

When you think about it, any man can be a father. All he really needs is a high enough sperm count and a woman willing to let him impregnate her... or at least have sex with her.

I have a father. He and my mother divorced when I was 7. I may have spoken to him twice since I was 15, the last time being 5 years ago.

A DAD, on the other hand, is a different thing entirely. A dad is someone who gives you guidance and advice. Someone who is always there for you. Someone who threatens to do bodily harm to anyone who hurts you.

I had a dad. His name was Larry.

Larry and my mother got married when I was 10 years old. He was a very special person. He was kind, patient and caring. He never judged me for anything I did, and loved me even when I fucked up. But the most important thing he ever did was make my mom happy and love her unconditionally.

A little over 6 years ago, after being in our lives for nearly 21 years, Larry passed away. My mother and I haven't been quite the same since.

Happy Father's Day, Larry. I love you.

Jay and Shan

<3 you guys.

Blegh...

John never emailed me back. Oh well. Fuck him. I just deleted his number from my phone. I'm sure he's already deleted mine...

I deleted K...I mean, He Who's Name Shall Not Be Spoken's number too. Should have already done that.

Nothing terribly interesting to write about today. I hung out with Josh after work last night. We watched The Onion Movie. It was the most random thing I'd ever seen in my life. There were some really funny parts though. I give it a 7 out of 10.

Now, just a couple of pictures I find humorous.

Click this one so you can actually read it.

WTF

So I emailed my friend John and asked him why he deleted me from his myspace. Here is the response I got:

Cleaning out my friends list and well you don't really talk to me anymore I've been trying to make plans with you and you seem to blow it off so I really don't know what else to say.

I just emailed him back:

I've never blown off anything. You keep saying you're gonna come down here and you never do.
So far as me not talking to you...you could IM me just as easily as I could IM you. Or text, or call, or whatever. Seems like everybody I know thinks that if I'm not the one to always make contact that I don't want to be friends anymore. Maybe I want someone, anyone, to reach out to me first.
Whatever...

I swear, I am just going to stop IMing everybody I know, just to see if anybody even fucking bothers to talk to me.

Typical Thursday

Somewhat busy at work, but not irritatingly so. Tips were good. Only one annoying customer. All in all, a good day.

One of my online friends, that I thought I was at least somewhat close to, deleted me from his Myspace. I really have no idea why. To my knowledge, I haven't done anything to piss him off. It's kind of bothering me.

So I had to bring something up with Josh last night. He's moving back to Wisconsin sometime this summer. I knew this when I first agreed to go out with him. Honestly, I thought it was just going to be a sex thing, which I was ok with. But he's not treating me like a girl he's just screwing. He's dating me: taking me to dinner, for drinks, bowling (yes, we went bowling), etc. So I was a bit puzzled by the whole situation. That, and I'm really getting to like him a lot, and I don't want to be setting myself up to get hurt. So I asked him what the deal was, mentioning all the points I just stated. He said he really had no answer for me and he kind of felt bad for getting the both of us into this situation at this point, but at the same time he was really glad we were going out. So I guess he's just as puzzled by the whole thing as I am.

*sigh*

Wow

I just realized I haven't blogged since Monday. I haven't really had a whole lot to say I guess.

Dinner with Josh tonight. =]


So my friend Jade texted me the other day. She got married on Sunday. This concerns me. Why, you ask? Because she was engaged to someone else a month ago, who she'd been with for 3 years. Apparently she's known her new husband for a long time (she didn't say how long though), and they just realized they were made for each other and got married.

This is what happens when you listen to too much Loveline (I love me some Dr. Drew): it's her impulsive behavior that's the biggest concern. She's a recently recovered heroin addict. She's been clean for about 4 months. It's way too early in her recovery to make a huge, life-changing decision like this. I wish her all the best in the world, but I worry for her.


On an unrelated note: It pains me when someone I care about is hurting and there's nothing I can do. But it makes me happy that people feel comfortable opening up to me and telling me such things.

It's 91 degrees outside right now

Why can't it just stay like, 70-80 degrees all year? That would be great.

I'm hanging out with Josh tonight after he gets off work. He took me to lunch yesterday too. Things are going really well. The only problem is, I get this lecture from my mother any time I start dating someone. It's like she thinks I'm still 15 or something. I know it's coming from a good place. That's the only reason I tolerate it. Well..."tolerate" isn't quite the right word. I actually kind of tuned her out. I've heard it all before.

It's way too damn hot outside

But anyway...

A friend sent this to me in an email. I found it amusing, so I thought I'd share the LOLs.

An ode to English plurals

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England .

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.

We have noses that run and feet that smell.

We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.

And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,

in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?


On an unrelated note, guess who is now in 1st place for PETA's World's Sexiest Vegetarian? It's close, so go vote some more.

Chocolate martinis are awesome

So Josh and I saw John Caparulo last night. Funny ass dude.


We had a great time. I definitely foresee future dates.

The shitty part is, I got home around 2:30am. I woke up at 7:30am. Today is going to suck. If I was a smarter woman, I'd be taking a nap instead of sitting here blogging.

But at least I didn't have to be at work at 8:00 this morning. Josh did. Poor dude.

So...

I have a date with Josh tomorrow night. We are going to a comedy club. It should be pretty fun.

I haven't been on a first date in, literally, YEARS. Me and...He Whose Name Shall Not Be Spoken, never went on a first date. We never went on any dates. But that happens when you're in a long-distance relationship.

The last first date I went on was with my ex-husband. In 1999.

Oh my God. That's a long fucking time ago. O.O


So here's a new picture. It's one of those self-taken Myspacey pictures.

I just realized that I have a ridiculous amount of pictures in that shirt.

Holy crap!

It's like 81 degrees outside, and it's only 10:30am. It's supposed to get into the mid-90s today. Upper 90s tomorrow I think. Fucking hell, it's only June. This is August weather.

Yahoo is being a douche this morning. It won't let me sign on for like, ever. Then it signs me out after approximately 20 seconds. Then it won't let me sign back on. If Yahoo was a tangible thing, I'd punch it in the neck.

My So-Called Blog

This is pretty much in response to a comment Jared left on my last entry. I was going to just put it as a comment on his blog, but I decided to put it on here instead. I'm sure all of you that read my blog have gotten sick of my bitching about Kai. I don't blame you. I would be too. So I'll say this: I have no intention of typing a single word about him ever again. Not because I think you're all sick of reading about it. But because he is no longer worth my time and energy. It took me far too long to come to that realization.

Enough of that.


Over the last week or so I've become immersed in early 90s nostalgia. Probably prompted by hearing Alice In Chains on my iPod. I've been listening to lots of grunge music and watching My So-Called Life on DVD (wating for comment from Jared...lol). I have a weird relationship with that show. Even though I was in my 20s when it was on, it reminded me of what it was like to be a teenager. It still does. It really captured what it was like. Now, as an adult, I see it from a bit of a different perspective. But still, when I watch it, I totally lose myself in it. I see it as something that was very special. I think it would still be very relevant if it was on TV today. The funny thing is this: I have about a million questions I could ask about certain aspects of the show. And even though I have access to someone who could answer them, and very likely would if I asked, I don't ask. Maybe I don't want to lose the magic and the feelings I feel when I watch it. And maybe knowing too much would take that away from me.

I am finished with you

The last time I talked to Kai, he told me how much he valued my friendship. That was 3 weeks ago. I realized that ever since we broke up, I'd always still IM him when he signed on MSN. So I decided to conduct a (slightly shady) experiment. I stopped IMing him, just to see if he'd IM me. He hasn't. Not once. So much for valuing my friendship.

Fuck him.

And! When I was online for a bit this morning before work, he signed on (I had it set to appear offline, so no big deal). He added his new girlfriend's name to his MSN display name. With hearts and shit. Cheesy, yes. But he never did that when we were together. Yes, I'm having some jealousy issues. I really wish I wasn't.


And now for the "when it rains, it pours" segment of my blog.

This guy Josh, who is a friend/co-worker of Chele's boyfriend, asked me out. He's like 23-24 (go me!). This came from so far out in left field. We're kind of acquaintances, but I've said like, eight sentences to this dude my entire life. But I figure, why not? He also said he's moving away in a month and a half. I forget where or why. So it's not like we'll get "involved." Could be fun.

AND! TJ is coming out here to visit later this month.

AND! I also kind of like this other dude. But he's ridiculously out of my league. I'm not naive enough to think anything will really happen there.

GAH!