WARNING: Vulgar ranting ahead

Ok, so I wasn't going to make a big deal out of this. But something has happened since, and now I'm pissed.

I'll start at the beginning.

Monday night Josh and I are hanging out at his place. We're chilling in his room (he has roommates) watching a movie. He's never been a very touchy-feely guy, but he was being more stand-offish than usual. Normally when we're alone in his room, he'll at least cuddle up a bit. But he wasn't even touching me.

After the movie was over, he gets up and puts the dvd away. He gets back on the bed, looks at me and goes, "you wanna fuck?"

Now, if a guy says that to me in the middle of heavy foreplay, it's a big turn on. But this was just kind of out of the blue. But I just shrugged it off and nodded. Then he gestures for me to take my clothes off. I make a half-joking remark about his lack of ceremony as I'm undressing. I think he kissed me for all of two minutes before he got up to get a condom. Normally, there's way more foreplay, so this definitely struck me as weird. Then he couldn't preform. This has happened before, so no big deal is made out of it. Usually, we'll wait about 10-15 minutes and try again, always successfully.

But this time, he completely pulled away from me. He moved as far away from me as he could and still be on the bed. After about 10 minutes he said something about wanting to be alone. Something is obviously wrong, but I don't say anything. I get up and silently get dressed.

As he drove me home he said he wanted to "uncomplicate" things (meaning we shouldn't have sex anymore), but that he still wanted to be friends and hang out. He thought I was feeling things that I wasn't and he didn't want me to be hurt when he left. I told him I was fine with the way things were, but if he wanted to cool things off, that was fine. Everything was all good when he dropped me off.

Or so I thought.

Last night, I go to his Myspace. I was going to message him and tell him everything was cool and that I'd like to hang out, just as friends, before he leaves next week. Then I happened to notice the comment I left on his page a couple of weeks ago is gone. Deleted.

What's that about? Is he trying to hide things? That doesn't even make sense. There wasn't even anything in the comment insinuating there was anything going on between us. If I was even really his friend, there's no fucking reason he should have deleted my innocent little comment.

It makes me feel like I meant nothing more to him than a pussy to fuck and a mouth to suck his tiny little cock.

Yes, I said it.

Tiny. Little. Cock.


Part of me really wants to tell him off and let him know how he made me feel. A bigger part of me thinks I should just keep my mouth shut and let it go. He's leaving anyway.